Many waters cannot quench this love…

“You won’t relent until you have it all, my heart is yours…”

i know most of us have heard this song rotating heavily through our misty edwards sessions of prayer and devotion unto the Lord. you know we all do it… we cling to her music because it is so tangible and simultaneously ethereal, and sensitive to the Holy Spirit… it is delight.

but while i ponder on this thought, “You won’t relent, until you have it all, my heart is yours…” and the subsequent cry from Song of Solomon—“Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm”—

i realized, the deepest desire of my heart to have both of those phrases in reciprocity (the first from the Lord, and second from my own lips as well as His). that the Lord would shine and say of me, that I, Jillian, will not relent until I have laid hold of Him…until i have laid hold of all the treasures of darkness-” I will give you the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the LORD, the God of Israel, who summons you by name.” Isaiah 45:3 that was the specific calling He gave to me almost two years ago now. I’m a wee bit slower than i’d like sometimes…:)

these last few weeks have really begun to put into perspective the desire and truth in my future for Him. there is this deeply rooted and previously unseen part of me that has delighted in the simple math, that as we purge ourselves of things we do not need (and oh! we did this recently by releasing my beloved Scion to another, and are now driving a car that sounds like the Millenium Falcon with bronchitis !) we are blessed with humility, blessed with greater capacity to be smitten by the Holy One of Israel. suddenly as we are moving in these missionary arenas, nothing else matters…Love prevails. and i have been praying during this last fast that i would do nothing if it is not motivated in love—and it’s taking shape in me. i can feel the grip of the accuser of the brethren as he is tormented and striking back with all of his ammo, but it’s past irrelevant now. i think i’m making the decision—

that i will begin to pursue deeper the idea of full time missions. by May, we’re hoping to have clarity and to have had the Lord highlighted whom we are to partner with financially and prayerfully.

my wackiness may have found a true home in this city: C-HOP.

~ by jesusandilikepie on February 3, 2008.